A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above: "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

Old Lady & Grocery Once there was an old religious lady who lived next door to an atheist. Everyday, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?" Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying. One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was going to do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and felt sad about thought the old lady will go hungry; he should help her he thought, "Humph. I'll help her." He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting. The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady! God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" Suddenly the lady shouted and began running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord. The atheist chased after her, and when he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know He was gonna make the devil pay for them!" With the Believers, it's Heads I Win; Tails You Lose! Logic doesn't work, Facts don't matter. === Original Message === A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above: "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

Here's a "Christian" joke!

"I have tried to take it seriously, it is SO laughable"
Funny That is what I have said about religion.

"therefor those who try to give an account for the universe that exists in a non-god way are not only laughable but they are blasphemous"
Blasphemy is a victimless crime.
That guy is a tool

The second video, if you drop your IQ about 50 points, all your knowledge about the theory of evolution, the scientific method, logic, reason, doubt and cognitive reasoning and embrace a simplistic "the Sun is obviously moving around the Earth. I can see the bloody thing! Oh, and by the way, can anybody here say that they can see their own asses when they look in the distance? A spherical world, my ass" way of thinking, ... forgot where I was going there for a second... is indeed funny.
Anyway, his point about the beauty and complexity of nature is still a moving one, too bad he's too stupid, unimaginative or just lazy to observe the profoundness of science.

A couple wanted their marriage to be something unique, so they decided to wait until they died to get married in Heaven. After they died, they were reunited in Heaven. They went to Saint Peter and begged him to get them married in Heaven. After assuring them they really didn't want to get married in Heaven, he told them if after five years they still wanted to get married, they could talk about it again.

After five years the couple came to Saint Peter and again begged him to get them married in Heaven. Again he assured them it would be a mistake to get married in Heaven made the promise that if they waited five more years he would get them married.

Five years went by and the couple looked Saint Peter up. Now they really, really wanted to get married. Saint Peter went ahead and had the couple married.

After only one month the couple found Saint Peter and told him they had made a very bad mistake. This marriage was the worst possible thing that could have happened to them in Heaven. They wanted a divorce.

Saint Peter said, "Now let me get this straight. It took me a full ten years to find a preacher in Heaven, and now you want me to find a lawyer?"

haha :)) You reminded me of an old joke:

A woman wants to become a nun. The head nun says she must first pass a test.
-Five years you are not to say a word. After five years have passed, you may speak only two. she accepted
FIVE YEARS LATER
-Five years have passed. You may now speak. said the high nun.
-Bed hard. she responded
-Oh, Okay. We will make the beds a little more soft. Still I feel you are not ready. Let's try another five years. she accepted
FIVE YEARS LATER
-Five years have passed. You may now speak. said the high nun.
-Food bad. said the woman.
-Oh, okay. We will try and make the food a little better. Still, I don't think you're quite ready. Shall we give it another five years? the woman accepted
FIVE YEARS LATER
-Five years have passed. You may now speak. said the high nun.
-I go! said the woman
The high nun responded:
-I think it's for the best. You've been complaining ever since you got here.